I have decided that every time there is a fifth Tuesday in a month, I would like to share stories from the community. Below is a story I received in January. If you want to share your own experiences, please go to this page, and answer the questions! I will have it featured on a future fifth Tuesday blog post. When I don’t have any community posts to share, I will share little updates from my own life and current experiences.

In this volume of The Shared table, we hear from a mother and birth doula who navigated the ‘propaganda’ of her first journey to find a place of peace and supplemental joy by her third. Her perspective on the ‘you’re just not trying hard enough’ rhetoric is something every mother needs to hear.

Tell me about your breastfeeding journey. What challenges did you face?

“I’ve had 2 babies, with a third on the way. Baby #1: I had very low supply with very little support. It was 2020 (so Covid) which meant I couldn’t get out to find help. Instead I fell into the propaganda that proper and frequent latching would solve all my issues. We nursed for 30+ minutes of every hour for weeks, leaving very little room for anything else. Still, baby was not gaining weight. Slowly, our family doctor encouraged us to offer formula in addition to nursing. By 4 weeks old, baby was finally up to birth weight. We soon quit nursing for nutrition (just comfort) and by 3mo we were done completely.

Baby #2: I worked with an IBCLC prenatally and had hopes that treating my previously undiagnosed hypothyroidism would solve our low supply problem. It did not. Baby was born with an extremely strong latch that caused excruciating nipple damage. And after a postpartum hemorrhage (and with a 2 year old toddler), I just didn’t have the energy to keep breastfeeding past 2 weeks postpartum.

Baby #3: My goal this pregnancy is focus on maintaining a long-term breastfeeding relationship, knowing that my baby will get most of their nutrition from supplemental sources.”

How did your experience with low milk supply or breastfeeding grief impact you emotionally?

“It’s been extremely hard. I am a birth doula, so am often supporting women through their own breastfeeding journeys. Watching their supply flourish, their bodies satisfy their babies, often brings back the feelings of grief and inadequacy within my own experience. Working in the birth field, I also frequently encounter people who truly believe low supply isn’t real, and breast is best. This “you’re just not trying hard enough” rhetoric hurts a lot.”

What helped you cope with the grief or unexpected challenges?

“I truly do enjoy bottle feeding my babies. Getting to connect with them while they have supplemental milk from a bottle has always been a therapeutic joy. My root cause is IGT, and my sister has it as well. My mother in law also struggled with primary low supply. Being able to talk with them, joke about it, and grieve together is helpful.”

If you could share one message with another mother struggling with this, what would it be?

“Would you judge yourself harshly for needing glasses? So then why judge harshly over low milk supply? It’s just another normal bodily function that can require support for sometimes. Breastfeeding is an emotional experience, true. But you are more for your baby than the ounces you produce. You are love and nurturing, safety and warmth. Continue to breastfeed, as much as feels healthy for YOU. Then supplement. Your baby will thrive and you will too, when you just focus on loving them well.”

Every story is unique, but the healing is shared.
Reading another mother’s journey can be the first step toward peace. If you’re currently walking through the emotional side of low supply, my 46-page workbook, Sufficient: Healing the Heart of the Low Supply Mother, offers a dedicated space to process your own feelings and find your footing.