As mentioned in my recent update, I am currently expecting our baby number 2! He is coming in April. We are beyond excited to have another little boy running around! Especially since his older brother has been very social and cooperative with other children so far, and is loving the idea of interacting and having friends to play with.

However, as someone who has been down the newborn road before, there is a tinge of anxiety. Specifically surrounding feeding. There are hundreds of things that I could have done this pregnancy, or that I can still plan for the postpartum period to try and boost my supply or maximize my output with this little one. But honestly, as I’m quickly approaching the third trimester, all of that feels extremely overwhelming. Especially since time seems to pass without much awareness on my part. Before I know it I’ll be in the hospital delivering this little guy and thinking about what happened to the last three months.

What is the feeding plan?

So, I am here to share my realistic plan for feeding this new baby. My goal is, rather than to produce milk, is to let go of control. I don’t want to experience the disappointment and dissatisfaction of doing everything I can only to feel completely helpless in the end.

I know that I don’t produce enough milk. Therefore, I will nurse as long as this baby would like to. But if complications arise. If milk levels fall. If I’m experiencing similar emotional lows to my first. I will let go. I am going into this upcoming childbirth with the expectation that I will end up exclusively feeding my child formula at some point.

There are so many “what if’s” when low milk supply issues arise, regardless of what the cause is. Part of me wants to believe that I can exclusively breastfeed this child. But there’s also part of me that knows I won’t be able to. So I’m choosing to let go of the expectation now, in order to save myself from a future heartache.

With my first baby, pumping was a painful reminder of my insufficiency. So I don’t plan on pumping at all with this baby. Maybe a little here and there to relieve discomfort as needed. But I won’t be kicking myself in order to provide breast milk for my baby. As beneficial and nutrient dense breast milk is. I will have two little boys who deserve a happy and healthy mother. Pumping doesn’t align with my happiness.

For any mothers out there who might be feeling the same way. I have written a manifesto and alternative success metrics focusing on the central role of motherhood as I have come to learn it over the last two years.

Peace Over Production

The Motherhood Over Method Manifesto

• I am choosing presence over pressure. I recognize that my value as a mother is not measured in ounces, milliliters, or the duration of a let-down. My worth is found in the way I look into my sons’ eyes, the way I show up for their milestones, and the peace I bring into our home.
• I am reclaiming my body. For too long, I viewed my body as a machine that was failing its primary job. This time, I view my body as a vessel of comfort. If it provides milk, I will offer it with gratitude. If it does not, I will offer my arms, my warmth, and my heartbeat without an ounce of shame.
• I am retiring the pump. I will no longer sacrifice my mental health for a plastic bottle and a rhythmic hum. My happiness is a vital nutrient for my children. I refuse to believe that “liquid gold” is more valuable than a mother who is mentally and emotionally whole.
• I am embracing the “And.” I can be a mother who values breastfeeding and a mother who chooses formula. I can be someone who values nutrition and someone who values her own sanity. These things are not in conflict; they are the boundaries of a woman who knows her limits.
• I am letting go of the “What Ifs.” I will not spend this pregnancy or the coming postpartum days chasing a “perfect” output that may never come. I am trading the anxiety of control for the freedom of surrender. My goal is no longer to produce; my goal is to be present.
• I am enough. With or without a supply. With or without a pump. I am the exact mother my two boys need, and a happy, healthy mother is the greatest gift I can give them.

Conclusion

As I plan ahead to the coming days I am a little overwhelmed at the thought of having two little boys 2 and under. However, I think I have specified three things that I can focus on to help me stay grounded in this new stage of life.

• The “Toddler Integration” Score: Did I have the patience to let my older son “help” with the baby today because I wasn’t stressed about my supply?
• The “Postpartum Glow” (The real kind): Do I recognize myself in the mirror? Am I dressed, hydrated, and feeling like a person, not just a food source?
• The “Quiet Mind” Check-in: When the baby cries for food, is my first instinct “I’ve got this” or “I’m failing”? (Moving toward “I’ve got this” is the ultimate win).