Dear Mama,

My toddler is turning 3 this week! He is a storm of joy, energy, and chaos (in the best way possible). He is truly thriving. He is fiercely independent and joyfully bright. Every year when his birthday comes around, I can’t help but reflect on his first year of life.

He has always thrived and been a bright light in our lives. Even so, I remember clearly the raw grief and feelings of failure that consumed me back then. For the first six months of his life, I was constantly searching for answers to questions that felt impossible to resolve. Oh, how far we have come.

I had so much fear then that being formula fed would disadvantage him. But that’s not the case. As we go through the newborn trenches, it’s really easy to get caught up in all the little things.

Sometimes I wish I could go back to the version of me from three years ago. I want to tell her that it would all be okay and that her baby would turn out just fine. More than anything, I wish I could remind her that her son deserved a happy mom—not the struggling, grieving version of me he got for far too long.

The Thriving Three-Year-Old as Your Proof

If you are sitting in that high-stress tunnel right now—staring at a pump flange, tracking fractions of an ounce, or mourning the nursing journey you thought you’d have—I want you to look at my three-year-old. He is your future. He is your living, breathing evidence.

Look at him now. He is energetic, smart, funny, and deeply bonded to me. His body and his brilliant mind were built on the exact combination of drop-by-drop breast milk and ordinary formula that I once agonized over.

At three years old, we are standing at the playground or filling out preschool orientation paperwork. In those moments, absolutely no one can tell how a child was fed.

The exact daily ounce counts, the exhaustive pump logs, and the tiny milliliters used to rule my entire mental space. Today, they have completely vanished into irrelevance. They mean nothing to the thriving little boy blowing out his candles today.

What the Newborn Trenches Hide From You

The newborn trenches have a cruel way of hiding the truth from you. Chronic low supply and an IGT diagnosis trap you in a state of fierce tunnel vision. They make you believe that these first few months dictate the entire trajectory of your child’s health and your connection to them.

But it’s a lie. The truth about bonding is that a secure attachment is built over thousands of tiny, daily moments of love, comfort, and safety. Your child learns who you are when you hold them while they cry, when you look into their eyes while feeding them a bottle, and when you show up for them day after day. Attachment isn’t manufactured exclusively by your mammary tissue; it is forged in your presence.

Learning to Play the Long Game

I need you to play the long game with me for a moment. Take a deep breath, zoom out from today’s schedule, and look toward the horizon. True long-game parenting means recognizing what actually lasts. It means prioritizing your mental health, your presence, and your joy today so that you have the stamina to show up fully for the years of parenting ahead.

Your baby does not need a perfect lactating body. Your baby needs a whole, healthy, happy mother.

Consider this a promise from the future: You will get through this heavy season, and your child is going to be absolutely fine.

Happy Birthday to Both of You

A child’s birthday is a beautiful milestone, but it is also the anniversary of the day you became a mother. This week, I am celebrating how much I have grown, healed, and learned over these three years just as much as I am celebrating my son.

If you are struggling today, give yourself grace. The bottle, the pump, and the low supply are not the headline of your motherhood—they are just a tiny footnote in a beautiful, lifelong story you are writing with your child.

Hang in there, mama. The view from three years out is beautiful, and you are going to make it here.

With so much love,

Samantha

Join the Conversation

If you could send a message back in time to yourself during those first few weeks of low-supply panic, what would you say to reassure her? Let’s comfort the mamas who need it today in the comments below.

P.S. If you are sitting in the trenches tonight looking for a way to finally heal from the grief of low supply, I built a sanctuary just for you. My new interactive workbook, Sufficient: Healing the Heart of the Low Supply Mother, is a gentle, 5-part guide to help you stop fighting your reality and start embracing your presence over your production. You can find your copy here.