There is a specific kind of vertigo that comes with the realization that your body isn't doing what the books said it would. In the early weeks of breastfeeding with Insufficient Glandular Tissue (IGT), life feels like a constant free-fall. You are falling through the weight checks, the frantic triple-feeding schedules, and the devastating sight …
Continue reading Insufficient Glandular Tissue (IGT): Why Supplemental Feeding is Your Safety Net
For a long time, I believed that my worth as a mother hinged on milliliters and ounces. My life revolved around the hum of a machine and the ticking of a clock. I saw my body through a lens of "deficit." If the bottle wasn’t full, I felt empty, creating a cycle where my morning …
Continue reading The Permission Slip: When I Stopped Chasing ‘Enough’
"Growing up, I used to trust my body without question. It had a knack for healing quickly and when necessary, enduring physical pain that most people avoided. From a nearly fatal bike accident, to sprained wrists and ankles, to small accidental burns and scratches. My body handled it all, taking it on with no issues. I trusted that my body could do everything it had been designed to do…"
I never expected to grieve something like breastfeeding. But here I am, still untangling the emotions, still learning to make peace with what was and what wasn’t. We have reached the final installment of my series on grief. Please review the previous posts on denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance if you haven't. You might …
Continue reading From Loss to Love: How We Heal and Support Each Other
This is the fifth installment in my series on grief. I recommend reading the previous posts highlighting denial, anger, bargaining, and depression before this one. They provide solid context and highlight the emotional journey I have been through to get to this point. It’s been over a year since I began walking through this grief …
Continue reading Surrendering Expectations: Embracing the Mother I Am Becoming
This is the fourth installment in a series about the stages of grief. If you haven't yet, I recommend reading the first three posts on denial, anger, and bargaining. This post continues the series by discussing my wrestle with the fourth stage of grief: depression. One day at church, I watched another mom casually lift …
Continue reading When Grief Becomes a Shadow: Depression and My Low Milk Supply Journey
This is the third installment of a series on grief. If you haven’t read the first two posts on denial and anger, I recommend doing so, as they may provide more context for this one. This post goes onto the third stage of grief: bargaining. I remember sitting on the couch one day, holding my …
Continue reading If Only… The Illusion of Control and My Struggle with Low Milk Supply
I was sitting in the foyer of our church, bouncing my baby gently on my knee, when a woman I didn't know approached me. She must have noticed the bottle in my hand, assuming that I could produce milk like any other woman. With a warm but casual tone, she asked, "Do you breastfeed or pump milk for your baby?"
I vividly remember the first time I read about Insufficient Glandular Tissue (IGT). I was sitting on the toilet and sobbing. Sobbing because, for the first time, I had figured out what was “wrong” with me. Sobbing because I felt betrayed.